Differences between the Sexes

Directed Freewrite Pg. 246

After reading the article “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” by Deborah Tannen, I realized that a lot of people have experienced the situations that I have with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I were having problems because I felt like when we were together, I was the only one talking, and that he was not sharing anything. Similar to the example given in the article, he would lie down and close his eyes when I was talking, and would not give any verbal responses throughout my story to indicate that he was at all listening. I felt like I was sharing a lot about myself and what was going on in my life, whereas he was not sharing and did not seem to even be paying attention. I told him how I felt, and that we were not communicating well. He argued that he just was not very talkative at times, and that he was in fact listening. We could not find a solution to our problem other than to just bare with it.

Now having read this article, I feel like I understand our communication problems much better. In the article, Tannen explains how growing up and the relationships we have with friends of the same-sex shape how we interact with our friends as adults. I now understand that it is easier for some men to close their eyes while listening because it helps them listen well and focus. I also learned that they do not give verbal gestures to indicate that they are listening because they think of it more as interrupting than showing that they are listening. Understanding the differences in how kids grow up and how their relationships differ between sexes has helped me understand the problem my boyfriend and I were having.


To fix our problem, I would explain to my boyfriend these differences of interpreting communication, so we could understand each other better. I would also have him read this article so we can work together in trying to resolve our communication issues. I think working together is something that the author of the article really wants people of the opposite sex to do. By working together, you are each equally trying to improve, instead of one person feeling as if all of the blame is on them. Knowing and recognizing these differences that exist can help us better understand each other and have better communication with the opposite sex in general.